Sa Loob ng Silid, Sa Likod ng Gamit - A Reflection on Work, Effort, and Being Seen

Always present.

At every meeting, whether online or on-site, I show up—not just physically, but fully. I follow the rules. I honor the ethics. I work with precision, with care, with the kind of quiet excellence that doesn’t ask for applause. My classroom runs smoothly because I make it so. I know how to manage chaos, how to guide, how to listen. I know how to lead, even when I’m not called a leader.

But in the eyes of those who hold the titles, I am just a name on a list. A body in a room. A task to be assigned.

They take leaves without guilt. They miss events without consequence. They excuse themselves from responsibilities with a shrug and a smile. And me? I am expected to be present—even when my reasons for absence are valid, even when my heart is heavy, even when I need rest.

“Bakit sila puwede, pero ako hindi?”
I ask myself this, not out of envy, but out of longing—for fairness, for recognition, for the simple dignity of being seen.

They play favorites.
Not loudly, not openly. But you feel it in the way they speak, in the way they delegate, in the way they protect some and pressure others. They won’t admit it, but the pattern is clear. And I am not part of it.

I am efficient. I am reliable. I am consistent.
But I am not favored.
And in their eyes, I am not fully seen.

They see me literally—my attendance, my output, my compliance.
But they do not see me figuratively—my effort, my exhaustion, my quiet leadership.
They do not see the weight I carry, the grace with which I carry it, the fire I keep lit even when the room grows cold.

Still, I show up.
Because my work is not for them.
It is for the students who feel safe in my presence.
It is for the values I believe in.
It is for the version of myself that refuses to be hardened by unfairness.

“Hindi man ako paborito, ako’y totoo.”
And that, I’ve learned, is more powerful than privilege.

I have a lot to offer—ideas, insight, integrity, and my expertise. I can help improve the service, elevate the system, and create spaces that work better for everyone. But they don’t ask. They don’t listen. They don’t see.

Still, I remain.
Still, I give.
Still, I believe that being true, even when unseen, is its own kind of leadership.


© 2025 Amee  Tala at Dilim Writes


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